If we want more power over our lives, why don’t we talk about it in a way that benefits us?
We’re searching for something. Whether it’s more money, the ideal mate, or space to explore what we really, really want, if we don’t have power, our dreams will be crushed under the weight of “reality.” Before we know it, time slips away. We’re working a job we hate with people we don’t enjoy. We’re buying things we don’t want that end up owning us. We’re engaging in relationships that highlight our insecurities, all while rationalizing, “If only I went to a better school… If only my parents hadn’t divorced… If only, if only, if only…”
It’s not like we aren’t trying. It’s not like we stop learning. It’s not like there aren’t moments of victory sprinkled with life-changing insight, but the wheel of time keeps turning. Every passing day feels like the sand of potential spills into the gaping mouth of loss. That’s dark, I know. In a roundabout way, we look at the world and let others (dead or alive) tell us what power means.
Power is wealth, land ownership, and physical strength. Power is natural resources, time management, and good genes. Power is good. Power is bad. Power is neutral.
Defining how the world sees power is great, but it doesn’t do us any good until we have defined it for ourselves. To gain the power needed to implement lasting, sustainable change, we don’t need to know everything there is to know about how to acquire personal power. That will come later. What’s important is to start—NOW—with where you are.
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
— Arthur Ashe
What does power mean to you?
Growing up, no one asked me this question. As an adult, I stumbled around the concept of power as a long-distance relationship with an unseen entity that had the power to shut off my lights, turn off my water, and redirect the force of my love. I wasn’t supposed to have too much power; only evil people were greedy. I wasn’t supposed to question “the powers that be”—lest I put a target on my back. I wasn’t supposed to want power, not really, because what can one person do that could possibly make a difference?
As a woman, a mother, a partner, and a friend, this ambiguity ain’t gonna cut it, anymore. Time to get personal. What does power look like in my life? How does it feel in my body? If I had all the power I wanted, what would I do with it? These are easy/hard questions to answer. Power looks like feeling energized in my body, having a clear mind, being in a good mood because I know I’m loved, and making choices that extend a long arm into a future of blessings.
If I had all the power I wanted? I don’t know. Visions of a large gathering of thought leaders, giving money to those in poverty, and pushing—really pushing—to spread the joy of learning, jump around like a field of caffeinated bunnies. I journal, ask questions, and read books like Robert Greene’s The 48 Laws of Power, Foucault’s Discipline and Punishment, and Finite and Infinite Games by James P. Carse, constantly. Every day is a new day to ask what power means to me. The answers keep coming, but it’s not enough to mumble an exclamation of insight or copy and paste a two-second quote.
It’s easy to be vulnerable in private; hard to broadcast a series of emotional breakthroughs into a vacuum. Which is why we need each other. I have no idea which direction to take, but based on my feeling of scared excitement, I can’t wait to find out. Knowing myself and others through their experiences of power, or lack thereof, sounds like the best journey I could possibly take. It’s solitary work but a team effort.
You—as yet the nameless, faceless you—have insights I can use, if only I can find you. If only I can do the work to make it easy to be found. Physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, it’s all connected. We’re all connected, and, for the most part, going down the same path.
The premise is simple: All roads lead to power.
The boldness of asking deep questions may require unforeseen flexibility if we are to accept the answers.
— Brian Greene
Yes, Mr. Greene. We get it. But if asking, “What does power mean to me?” feels vague, let’s get more specific. When is the last time you felt powerful?
Where were you? Were you alone or with others? What time of day was it? Describe your surroundings. Describe the sensations in your body. How did your head feel? Your chest? Were you breathing fast or slow? What can these details teach you about yourself?
Whether you define yourself as powerful may not matter. Maybe it’s enough to say, “I’m powerful when I do ___” or “I feel powerful around these people.” When you access your power memories, you give them new life. Like watching a war movie, your mind can’t distinguish if you’re on the beaches of D-Day or sitting curled up with a bowl of popcorn. Why can’t the same be true for accessing feelings of confidence any time you want to remember who you are?
Of all the power quotes out there, stumbling across a fresh one can be the perfect affirmation. This is mine for today:
Power is dangerous. It corrupts the best and attracts the worst. Power is only given to those who are prepared to lower themselves to pick it up.
— Ragnar Lothbrok
What’s your favorite power quote? What does it mean to you?
