The words you use to describe yourself are the #1 factor enhancing or limiting your personal power. Your health, genetics, environment, family, and education have a say in building confidence and resiliency, but NOTHING comes close to affecting the manifestation of your dreams like self-talk. You know this, I know this, everyone who has bumped a self-help table at Barnes and Noble, knows this. But affirmations are not created equal. Some will light you up; others will lie in your mouth like word taxidermy.
Finding the right affirmations can make or break your goals, and vanquishing negative self-talk doesn’t happen with a snap of the fingers. Oh no…Those little buggers of fear and doubt are persistent and canny. We can start the day repeating positive affirmations, journal about them, and use them as a heady incantation long into the evening, but like any habit, if we don’t continually reach deeper, we plateau.
There’s a difference between knowing something in an intellectual way and practicing it with the intent of mastery. So let’s play around with positive and negative self-talk— primarily those found in self-help, Law of Attraction worksheets, productivity plans, and manifestation journals.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it:
- Ask yourself, “How do I feel right now?” (Bored, restless, engaged, curious)
- Record your answers and how they make you feel (Sad, angry, energized, uplifted)
- Ask yourself, “What do I agree with? What do I object to?” (Don’t worry about why you feel how you feel. Your only job is to be a witness to your thoughts.)
- Re-word each answer until you find the statement that gives you the biggest jolt of power. (It will resonate like a tuning fork has been placed in the center of your gut, heart, or head, i.e. where you feel emotional resonance.)
For instance, my all-time, punch me in the solar-plexus phrase is, “I know you can do it.” I’ll explain how I’ve taken this one-liner and supercharged it with emotion at the end.
I do not need help. Needing help implies helplessness. You are far from helpless. You may need a boost, rest period, or a new perspective. Try replacing this phrase with:
I have all the resources I need to fulfill my goals.
Then again, if you’re stuck in a ditch with a flat tire and no spare, you need help. Knowing when to ask for help is a clear indication of wisdom. In this moment, what feels more powerful: help or support?
My dreams won’t come true. Dreams are seductive. They can point you in the right direction, but if you forget to weave them into reality, they grow into an unreachable castle in the sky. The wider the gap between reality and fantasy, the more you suffer. If you were 100% aware and accountable of every thought, feeling and action, you still wouldn’t be able to control all the moving parts necessary to construct your dream — unless your reality is changed to reflect your dream.
Instead of focusing your energy on what you have in the dream, ask yourself what kind of person will make your dream a reality. Sometimes that person is you — with modifications. Sometimes you’ll need to find someone who is doing what you want to do and learn from them. Alternative phrases might sound like:
I am in alignment with my dreams.
My reality reflects my highest potential.
I trust my vision to keep me moving.
I am broken. At some point in your life, you’ve been Humpty Dumpty. You fell. You broke. No one could put the pieces back together. Even now, there are elements of your life that are damaged, diseased, and defunct. But those are pieces of a shell, an ego or image, keeping you trapped from growth. Inside the shell, you were sheltered and secluded. You couldn’t touch anything and nothing could touch you.
Is a sheltered life worth living? Maybe it is. Maybe it’s not. Maybe the only thing keeping you from wholeness is the chunk of shrapnel stuck in your foot. Why not pull it out and heal the wound? Try this phrase on for size:
I have broken free of limiting beliefs and am free to stretch beyond past experiences.
I am not special. To tap into potential, humility is required. The world is a fickle place when it comes to humility. You’re supposed to be an independent #boss AND surround yourself with like-minded people. You’re supposed to follow your heart AND adhere to societal norms, lest you be ostracized. You’re supposed to be a team player AND fight against the mob. No wonder being special is both the pinnacle of success and a prison sentence.
Instead of picking a side, embrace duality. Good/bad, right/wrong, matter/anti-matter, a star is no less special for its ability to share the sky.
My unique talents and abilities are enriched and enhanced by those around me.
I don’t need anyone. People love to say we’re born alone, but this is baffling. You weren’t conceived in a vacuum, you didn’t gestate in a void, and when you left your mother’s body, someone had to cut the cord.
No one does anything by themselves. The kind of people who say they are “self-made, no one gave them anything, they did it all themselves,” typically don’t have deep, satisfying relationships with anything other than their bank accounts. Which is fine, until they are sick, lonely, or depressed. They can pay people to hang out with them, but no matter what gifts they reward to loyal servants, they always have the voice of fear whispering, “No one wants you.”
If you routinely think, “I don’t need anyone,” take a pause. When does this thought go through your head? After someone has disappointed you? Did you announce a plan of action and have your loved ones shoot it down?
Traveling solo may be necessary if you’re surrounded by people who belittle, disempower, and strangle your best efforts to rise above fear-based thinking, but more often than not, it becomes a roadblock. Building a team is a practice of push/pull, give/take, and come/go. Looky there, more duality.
I get to be surrounded by amazing people who fill me with energy and allow me to give back to them.
What phrases did you change? Which words resonated with you? Did you identify any triggers keeping you blocked?
Let’s say you came up with your own set of magic affirmations. Let’s supercharge them.
Pick your favorite phrase. In truth, this may be the only affirmation you need until it’s time to recalibrate. Sit back, take a deep breath, and think about a time when someone believed in you. Maybe it was a friend, mentor, parent, sibling, or stranger. When they looked at you, you felt their power rushing over you. You heard it in their voice and saw it in their body language. They saw something in you — something you couldn’t see — and you believed them, regardless of whatever negative self-talk was trying to tell you the opposite.
Chances are, they said something, patted your shoulder, or gave you a hug. Linger in that feeling. Let it wash over you. If this triggers a deep wave of emotion, awesome. Breathe and take it in. Now, holding that feeling, repeat your affirmation.
I told you mine is “I know you can do it.” When I hear that phrase and repeat it to myself, I see my mother lying in a hospital bed. She is weak and sick. I’m telling her about a goal that fills me with light and power. Even though she barely has the strength to lift herself, she smiles, and she says, “I know you can do it.” The phrase coupled with the memory has the power to squash any negative self-talk that may be scratching at my heart and will. It never gets old, it never gets tired, and it never gets sick. The essence of her power, Unconditional Love, lives in me.
You’ve been given such gifts. Don’t take them for granted. Supercharge your words and phrases. Let them carry you where you want to go.
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